THE HOUSE MOVES ?

Well,I've got all of my stuff moved from my apartment in an unsafe part of town moved to THE HOUSE, i will be moving my body in today. The last time i went over to THE HOUSE, i was walking in the yard and it is really a big yard, and spied 3 beautiful cats one gray, one white, and the other solid black with a white stripe in the middle of her face, i made a note to myself to put out water and food for them. I also spied a place to plant a garden i have some organic collard green seeds and some organic basil seeds that i plan to start in a garden. I had planted some organic tomato seeds in a pot when i lived in the apartment and they are doing just fine, so, i think i will plant some in the ground and see what happens. THE HOUSE is really very beauti-filled there are 2 bedrooms,1 1/2 baths, large dining room (of which i have to get use to), a huge living room, and a medium size kitchen ( the kitchen seem large to me considering what the kitchen i just came from look like). I will definitely have to get use to the size of THE HOUSE and the yard, wow what a new experience for me. Several of the wimmin called to tell me that they had something for THE HOUSE, i had to get use to receiving and receiving graciously the gifts they offered. I did not want to get into feeling that i had to accept everything offered however i know that one of my weakness is my ego and the experience of being offered so many gifts was a bit alarming to me, and arrogance is so easy for me to show. And so to begin, not again, simply begin.

THE PLOT THICKENS OR DOES IT?

Well after much thought i have to reconsider the idea of getting rid of my alter, someone suggested that i name her give her reason d'etre, give her identity, give her more meaning in my life, and if i do that i would find that she really is a friend not a foe. I don't know if i should chance doing that, what if i do all of that and it really does not work, then she could really loose it on me and try and dominate my life and actions with her constant talk, what if she get upset with the idea of me trying to rid myself of her and becomes angry? I mean she could wreck havoc in my world and then what would or could i do? I have tried talking and reasoning with her that does not work. I have tried ignoring her and she creeps up in my head whenever she likes and talks her ass off. I know a womon who said she rid herself of her alter by drinking a lot of alcohol,not a good one for me, so she became an alkie, but she no longer had to listen to her alter, another womon told me that a good shrink could jolt me alter away, but that means i am the one who has to get the electrodes. I went again to talk to an elder, she told me that unless i could learn to see me alter as a sincere friend who always had my interest at heart, that i would always feel at odds with her. She also told me that she thought it would do me good to sit down and make an honest attempt to talk with and to,not,at me alter, that sounds like good advice for me to follow, so my next quest is a long long unadulterated talk. I really need to do this soon so as not to go really nut-c

THE PLOT

After having a long discussion with me alter i have decided to get rid of her, i don't really know how to do this with out getting rid of myself so i also decided to ask her how i should do it? So i called upon her over and over again and to no prevail,so i will have to go back to the planning board. How does one rid the mind? Is this really possible? Can it be done without the use of drugs? Can it be done through deprivation? Can it be done through foods? I certainly do not want to get rid of myself. Have there been any studies done on alter removal? Is there a science that deals solely with alter removal? So where or who do you go to for this service? What do i look under in the yellow or gaylow pages are there such pages?

SO ANYWAY AGAIN?

So i don't really care what my alter has to say about the color of THE HOUSE, well, i don't think i care. So anyway THE HOUSE is all everyone is talking about and she is beautifilled and beautiful. G..... really did go way out to make THE HOUSE look great inside and out, even the yard was done so incredible, she had different wild flowers planted allover, she had aki avocado,guava,sea grape,sapadilla, and mango trees planted, and had a place dug out for a garden to placed. The really nice thing is she did not have a lotta grass planted everywhere and the was very pleasing to me. All the wimmin were talking about how they would like to see the house decorated, and i thought to my self now is this my house? or the groups house? And i heard my alters voice in my head ha ha she said see? see? how easy it is for the mine-nes to take over? mine, mine mine, ha she said ha ha ain't that a fruity one? mine, mine mine, now its gone fromTHE HOUSE, to mine, mine, mine, my HOUSE. Well i said i didn't mean it like that, i mean is it, or, is it not my house didn't G..... offer it to me? and didn't she say if the group decided to meet somewhere else we (meaning she and i) could work something out? And me alter said but you where the one who was not sure if you wanted to move or not and the group did decide that they would movewith or without you,so, whose house is it? Well i said to her i see no need to get into this now,i really think that you are in an argumentative mood because you really did not want me to move but you did not have the eggs to say so, and at this she said look i have the eggs to say anything i please its you who don't want to hear what i have to say and i do know why. Well anyway i said the real deal here is to get moved into the house and create a peacefilled wimmins only space,and not get caught up in the 3M's thing.My alter said in an attempt to avoid what is you all will go to any extreme wont you?I have no need to talk to myself.

ANYWAY DIALOG WITH ME ALTER ON THE HOUSE

OK OK, i said to my alter the name is THE HOUSE THE HOUSE THE HOUSE, there is no need to keep on going on about the name lacking in color, since we are the ones who give power to words let it be, if the wimmin feel the name is powerful or powerfilled then let it be. Me alter started again how? she asked how do you know if the wimmin have even given any thought to the precept that the name THE HOUSE has no color? How do you know if the wimmin have given thought to the idea that we imbue words with power? How do you know this? you have never taken the time to ask them you are so busy caught up in your own shit that you have not even taken the time to ponder this your self its me, me, who is doing it and you don't even give me credit for my own existence, you are the one who is lacking openness and acceptance, those are just some words you use when you really don't want to accept you own ineptness, i should really just leave your dumb ass to your self, and with this comment she shut-up. I heard myself saying come back here you pompous butt i do have something to say about what you just said and i want to be sure you hear every word, no comment from her and before i knew i was yelling at they top of my voice, you come back here, no luck she would not say a word. Well its just as well i have other things i must busy myself with. I could have sworn i heard my alter say YEA.

I WANNA BE THE COOK

Well i have made a few decisions lately, one OK i move to the new place they are already calling her THE HOUSE, sounds very different from my apartment in an unsafe part of town. Now that moniker has quite a sound, challenging, verboten, exciting, but THE HOUSE THE HOUSE THE HOUSE, now how does that really sound? Of course this is my alter talking not me i have promised myself that i would be open and accepting, i don't know to what or whom i will be open and accepting, but that is my promise to me now.So i am about the task of ignoring the voice of me alter just now. I am open and accepting of the reality that the wimmin choose to call her (THE HOUSE) and i will do the same whenever i am talking to them about her i think for now anyway. But doesn't that name seem to lack some sort of color? vibrancy?
FIRE? that is me alter talking.not i.But she may have something here, is that name lacking in color, what if you create something and forgot to give it fire,would someone else come along and give it fire? is that possible since it is your (whoever your is ) creation? I mean if the name doesn't have fire according to whom? can anyone give fire to it or is this a task that can only be perform by the creator? And if so can anyone give any element to anything? and if so then can one change the nature of something at any given time? O.K. The I need to know who is talking here? Ha ha ha figure it out. I still wanna be the COOK.

FOOD YOU BETTA BELIEVE IT

Well i have decided on the food and i am going to do something really different if found some organic cauliflower at the market and i am going to do southern style fried cauliflower, that's where you dip the veggie in coarse corn meal then flour and then fry it and is it good,sounds like a wonderful meal,for the group, now for the phone calls. I called 25 wimmin of the 25 all said they would be at the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING) -in-wimmin-only-space action/event, the other 5 wimmin i did not have to call they called me to say that they would be there and would be bringing other wimmin with them that brings the number up to 35,wow i don't know how that is going to work out the woman who runs the apartment building is already in a thither over the parked cars, o well we will see maybe she will be out that night.Now to wait it out. Food looks good,apartment looks good i have Rosanna on for music, lights at right glow, i picked a bunch of wild flowers for the center piece, everything looks good, got some really subtle incense for burning, i think that will help the mood. I did not use up all the 150.00dollars i have 100.00 of it left. This should be a good event, i am in a wonderfilled mood and i have promised myself and me alter that i would make every effort to stay focused and calm (as much as possible). I have really prepared a plant based meal and i feel good about that, i think some wimmin will bring something for food from their homes,great.

SO IS THIS REALLY ABOUT FOOD ?

It is time for me to call the wimmin about the next (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING)-in-wimmin-only-space event/action and to talk about what i will prepare for food. From the last event i have 150.00dollars, 3lbs of organic tofu, 5lbs of vital wheat gluten, 7 organic oranges, and 2lbs more of basmati rice also 2lbs of organic wild rice,don't have any green veggies, must get some, and something to drink or make a drink. I keep thinking about the wimmin in the group, there are quite a few of us now,30 of us to be exact and the group is still growing, i don't know if i can handle the success of the group in terms of numbers, i would much rather a smaller group but there were no limits put on how many of us could be or would be in the group, i really want the group to divide and i know that that will happen naturally i just wish it would happen soon. I will make the phone calls to the wimmin tonight and will go shopping today, i think for veggies cauliflower, broccoli, and red swiss chard,that sounds good, the starch will be basmati and wild rice mix, and i am going to make seitan from the vital wheat gluten and then make it bar-b-qued,maybe i need to make a mixed grill with the tofu and the seitan, i must make more food cuz of the increased numbers, but first let me call to see if everyone is coming. This is the part i really could get into, maybe i don't need to be a member of the group, just the food preparer, that is not a bad idea. And wouldn't you know it me alter starts to talking in me head, o right she said,it is more comfortable for you to hid in the kitchen and cook rather than be with the wimmin dealing with the things that you are not always comfortable with isn't it? I choose not to answer her, after all she is not really real she is only in my head, and with that she said to me you know, you are really a piece of work,whenever it is not what you want to hear i become not real, do you know what would happen to you if you went to a shrink and said you hear voices in your head that are not real? sister girl your ass would be filled with all kinds of meds, and there would be considerations of locking you up in the hatch and you know what kind of hatch I'm talking about.

WELL?

well after we had calmed down a bit a new womon said she would like to talk about her quilt over eating eating anything,i had never heard anyone say that they had quilt over eating,so this was totally new to me. I wanted to hear more,but some of the other wimmin said that they thought the group had been totally spent and they were not in the frame of mind to hear anything more, they wanted the group to end. I wanted to hear what the womon had to say about quilt over eating,so i asked her if she would mind staying after the group and talking to me? she was fine with that but most of the wimmin in the group said that they thought that conversation should take place with everyone there,so the womon decided to leave with the rest. I got to thinking is everything here to be done only by group approval? I started to say that but change my mind cuz i had already been pretty up in your face vocal in the action/event of (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING) in-wimmin-only-space. I asked my alter if it was time for me to leave the group and search for another group? She said when it is time for you to leave you will not have to ask me you will know for yourself. So ok who needs an alter?

THE FOOD RECEPTION

Wow, what a reception to the foods that i fixed, it was fantastic,the wimmin had never had aki, and i must say i did a wonderful job of preparing, it was tender and tasty and with the basmati rice it was great, the tofu i baked and it was good also. The mixture of collards,mustards and callalou greens was to die for none of the wimmin had had callalou before so that was an added treat, the corn pudding was good however i think i over seasoned it and the green tea instead of serving it hot i made cold green tea we all liked it very much. One womon made a banana carrot cake for desert, another womon made a quinoa salad and both were very good. The one thing that got me really crazy were the wimmin who insisted on talking about the killing of some animals for food and how much they missed having fried chicken, i got so crazy that before i knew it i went outside pick up one of the cats who would come to play with me on occasion, took her inside to the wimmin and asked them if they would like her fried in olive oil or canola oil? one of the wimmin then had the nerve to ask me if maybe i had had one joint to many? I asked her had she not had one dick to many to have the need to talk about fried chickens, and i told her i really thought she was missing dick and the death that comes with it, she promised to re-arrange my face and i said to her go home to your abusive misogynist fudge packing husband, with that another womon stood between us and asked us to calm down, i put the cat outside and said that i was calm i was just tired of hearing about the killing of animals, by this womon every time she showed up for the group and i was also tired of hearing about her stupid ass husband, and that the group was not formed to please some tired-ass misogynist straight women who were tired of their husbands and wanted and expected us to do something about them,knowing damn well that they hated their husbands and couldn't admit to it. I supposed i may have gotten out of hand and i felt damn good doing it. Well we are at a (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space) aren't we?we do have the courage to say what we think don't we? and who is we?