NOT ANOTHER WORD ON MONEY?

Well you know before you know it power can take over you, i mean can't it or she? i mean just think the word and then see if you can really feel the word. p o w e r p o w e r p o w e r the word seem to gain more p o w e r as i say it. Now how does that happen? How does a word gain power? I really don't know but i feel my heart beat a bit faster when i see the word spell out bold like that, so is it the word or what i feel when i think of the word? me alter is out again she said pleeze don't start again with the anal probing. O.K. so where were we? O yea i was thinking about the money envy again,but not now o.k., so about the womon who wanted to talk to me about my feelings and thoughts about not coming to her house for a (LHD) event/action because of her choice of a non-plant based menu and her choice of a man for a roommate, she came to me and asked me the following questions. Her questions, What is wrong with eating sea animals (although she did not called them sea animals) and what is wrong with her being a lesbian and having a man for a roommate? Before i could response she said, she could understand me having some discomfort with eating seafood, but she nor the other wimmin had required this of me, and that she did prepare some vegan/vegetarian foods for the event/action. And as far as her roommate was concerned he was not there neither before nor during the event and she did not think it was fair that i would put such limits on her and other wimmin and that to her it was no different from when men put limits on us because we are wimmin. She said that some of the other wimmin wanted to come to the apt (my apt.) for the (LHD-in-wimmin-only-space) but felt as though they were not welcome anymore because of their choice to come to her apartment for the past action. Have you ever become aware of your mouth opening and closing and no words coming out? Not even a sound? And your heart is beating fast? And there is a bead no not a bead an entire curtain of sweat on your forehead and in the center of your hands? Have you ever had that experience? Its quite tripy isn't it?

WORDS AGAIN?

Me and me alter sat down for a talk with each other today. Some of the things she likes to talk about really get next to me sometimes in a positive way, sometimes in a negative way, sometime just in a strange way, that is inexplicable. Me alter said to me you think much to much, and then you go to the next extreme and feel much to much, she also said you give to much credit to the meaning of words instead of seeing them simply as words. When you take the power you have serious you will discover that words are just that words and the feelings you give to the words are the same as the power you give words, once you really recognize this you will have regained your power and you will then know what power is. WOW now that's a mouth full. Have you ever felt that you knew everything there was to know, and then in an instant feel as though you know nothing at all? Many many moons ago an old womon told me that in the total design of everything there were at any given time ten thousand people in the world who knew everything, at the same time there were five thousand people in the world who knew something, at the same time there were one thousand people in the world who knew the same thing. Now what has that to do with this? I realize i don't really know,i think i don't, but i don't feel as though i don't. Who is talking here me or me alter? So said me alter is this about money? money envy? or the divide of money? O.K. i am ready on envy i feel and think i have no envy about the way the womon or anyone chooses to spend the money that they have. What i have is an overwhelming annoyance with those who use money to oppress, show off, flaunt it,and act as though because they have some money what they have to say and or do with others is always to their likings. I do think that using money to demonstrate how great thou are is a sign of high levels of disdain for others and really for self and show high levels of feeling of low self-esteem. I have seen those who use money in ways that are reported to bring good will and cheer into an environment and i have seen what good will and cheer was left in the environment when they left. No matter what the divide is still there the haves the have-nots.

THE AFTER-EVENT

My head is still spinning from the (LHD -in wimmin-only-space) action/event last night. It was totally exhilarating. In addition to the lively conversation and the delicious food, the wimmin left as a donation for the next time, 30 key limes from their backyard trees, 5 ponderosa lemons from there backyard trees,(wow have you ever seen a ponderosa lemon these girls are huge must weigh about 2 to 3 lbs.,) i tasted one are they ever delicious. Another 13 ears of corn(corn is in now), 3 bunches of collard greens, 5 vidalla onions, a bag of garlic, 5 huge eggplants, a bag of raw sugar, 3lbs of organic tofu, and 85.dollars. I am still thinking about what that womon said to me about me having money envy, i am beginning to think that's akin to being accused of have penis envy. Well what is money envy? I guess its time to go back to the master computer the brain. Now does that mean i am envious of money, having it or not having it? How does one rid self of any kind of envy? Is envy when u don't have something someone else has and then what ?you make an attempt to get it? Or is envy when someone has something you want and you take it from them? or is it when someone else has something and you want it and you design your ways or life to see if you can act as though you have it or you are getting it? On envy i have noticed over the years that envy has an odor, sound,staccato,beat, i also noticed that you could create music from the beat of envy. Now as i think of all of this i cant pick up the odor, sound nor beat of this envy that i might possess my money envy (see how quickly we take things as our own now its my money envy) where does that come from? me alter told me that comes from a need to possess. GEE! I have been told that there are other magnificent ideas and thought to be had, me alter says nope these are the ones to stay with right now, mainly because i find no particular comfort in the thoughts of money envy.

THE PAN YARD VEGAN GOURMET CHEF?EVENT

What an event!WOW! I never could have imagined how wonder-filled we lesbian/wimmin are. The (LHD-in-wimmin-only-space) was more than i could have ever guessed she would be, the wimmin were spectacular, the food was creative, good and definitely gourmet, and we were all gourmands with a dyke touch. Lemme tell you about the food, first the pan-yard purslane, spanishneedle to die for it was very good all the wimmin wanted to know how i came up with that one, the fried rice came out much better that i had supposed it would and the green beans lightly steamed were excellent. Here is what some of the other womyn brought to the event/action. 5 organic hass avcacados from her tree, 2lbs of fresh mozzarella, and a key lime pie, 15 ears of organically grown corn, and 2 loaves of fresh home-made bread. So we ate fried rice corn on the cob, pan-yard mango salad,green beans, and slices of mozzarella with lime juice and olive oil and sea salt. We talked about the feelings of seemingly starting over again, one womon said she was very excited with the idea of starting all over again because it was really a new experience to her, she said she did want to talk about her feelings over wanting to invited other wimmin to the event she had invited 2 wimmin and both came, however she said she had felt strange telling these wimmin that this was a womyn-only space, i asked her what was strange to her? she said each time she would tell a womon about the action/event they wanted to know was it a lesbian affair? and she did not know what to say. I asked her if she was a lesbian she said no i am not, so i ask if you are not a lesbian then why is it difficult for you to answer?She said because she knew that most of us were lesbians and she did not want to mislead anyone. Another womon said well if you are not a lesbian and you are here with us some of us who are some who are not lesbians just tell women who ask just that. O how could i not have mentioned you remember the woman that came who left the 50.dollar bill and who i had a conversation with about money she came, she was the one who gave the 2 loaves of home-made bread, she made the bread herself and it was very good. I asked her if she had gone to the (LHD) event/action at the womon's house who has the man room mate she said she had and she found it to be interesting and she somehow realized how much she missed being in an unsafe part of town with us wimmin i don't know about the other wimmin i took this as a compliment ego or me alter talking? Me don't know. I said to her o the idea of danger is appealing to you? She looked and me an shook her head and said you are really a piece. Now what does that mean a piece? apiece? a piece? of what? of course i said all of this to myself. She then asked me have you dealt with your money envy? I damn near fainted MY MONEY ENVY? I asked myself is this bait or what, i don't remember ever saying i had a money envy, she was the one who asked me if i was envious of the way she handle her money. I have got to resolve this crap with her and money now. I said to her I see money as one of the 3M's that divide us wimmin. No matter what it comes down to we wimmin are divided by money, saying it is not money but the way it is used,is what divides us means little to me, however it is or is not used money is a divider, those who have it are a constant reminder to those who don't, and those who do tend to flaunt the having of it whenever they are around those who don't . Another womon there asked me well how would you or what would you do to stop the divide of money between us? Another womon asked is that possible is it really possible to stop any of the power of the divides of any of the 3M's? I answered yes some of the other wimmin said they felt it was entirely impossible to get rid of the 3M's therefore impossible to stop the divide, she said she thought that the effects and the use of the 3M's as a divide could be lessen but the total demise to her was not possible. Another womon one who had identified herself as a seplesbian dyke said in a Utopian lesbian nation the 3M's did not exist. Now that i want to hear more of. The reaction to her i thought was strange, most of the wimmin there said talking about utopia was really just talk about an unrealistic dream,and you know what ? most of the wimmin shook there heads in agreement. Well this is a lot to think about.