NEW WHO?

I want to cook for wimmin, I want to feed all lthe wimmin in the world

I want to be with wimmin, I want to be with all the wimmin in the world

I will do this,

I will reinvent myself.

I will be a new me.

WHEN WHERE AND HOW?

I DREAM AND DREAM OF WIMMIN-ONLY SPACE

sleep did come easy and the dreams flowed like never before, this was the first time i remembered having a dream since i came back for the land of the homeless and what wyrd and strange dreams. the first one i remembered had to do with my oldest sister who arrived at her sunset eighteen years ago. in the dream she and one of my other sisters were driving this old car from the 50ties and i kept running after them asking them to wait for me cause i wanted to go with them, as i ran they kept going faster, i then took flight and flew up over the car and i was screaming for them to stop, but they kept going and started to look up and laugh, then out of no where our mother showed up and said to me you know you sisters can't drive so that can not be them in the car, i was still in flight but the car had disappeared, my mother reached up and gently pulled my down to the ground using the shirt i had on, she looked at me and reached over, patted my shoulder and covered me with some sort of fabric, i remembered taking a deep breath and hearing the hissing of a spray can, i opened my eyes and my mother sprayed something on me from the can and i remembered having the feeling that i was dying. i died, and then heard myself say nope not now and woke up, and all of this was in one dream.
You know this causes me to wonder again am i dead now that i am awake, or am i dead when i am dreaming? which one is the real one? is there a real one? real one what? i have begun to do an analysis of this dream and i have gotten no where just yet. I know understanding will come i just don't know when. the next dream i was with Sally and Gloria and a Lotta other wimmin at some sort of womyn's event walking down a dirt road to what was called the family affair time, as i walked down the road i noticed that there were wimmin, girls, men, and boys at the event, i stopped and asked a womyn who was by herself if this was a womon-only event she said no it is a woman's event, i kept walking down the road and met up with another womon and i asked her where was the womon-only event she said there is no such thing and that i must have been dreaming, when i awaken from these dreams i was not sure if i was awake. i found myself asking for me alter to visit me or for someone to visit me so that they could give me some assistance back into reality. reality? reality.

THE VERDICT IS IN

Gloria called me back into the meeting, i noticed no one looked directly at me except Sally, Gloria and one other womon, so i pretty well guessed i was vote as persona non gratis. I sat down on the floor and it seemed as though everyone started talking at once, at this point i said i can not hear anyone because all of you are talking (me alter appeared and said to me great start girlie, great start, that should win you some friends) of course it did not. Well anyway everyone stopped talking and Gloria began, she looked at me and i could see the sadness in her eyes, she said the group has decided that you must stay away from meetings for a month which at that time they will again meet on if you stay or go. I said o hell why make it so painful for yourselves and me why not just tell me to go now. (me alter showed up again and said easy girl, easy, calm down) i closed my mouth, with this Sally simply said I love you, I started to cry did not intend to but when i heard Sally say I love you i started to cry. I heard one womon say o please the big dyke cries, and another womon say to her you really have a hard on for her don't you then i heard some womon say o shut the f... up. I said very fine i will abide by the wishes of the group. With this Gloria said although you can not come to the meetings for a month, you can still live here if you wish. i was about to say all of you can jump off a bridge when my alter came to me and said (don't you really know love when you hear it? what did you really learn on the streets being homeless? What? I asked the group for what reason was i being given a month and not accepted back into the group immediately? The womon who said " the big dyke cries", said because some of us want you to know how we felt when you just up and left us and did not tell us why or what, at least we care enough to tell you, you did not give us the same respect, you just decided to reject us without letting us know why. I looked around at the group of wimmin and for the first time in a long time, i felt cared for by them. I stood up and said I will accept what you have decided for me and I will return in a month to see what will happen i said thank you very much for you caring and left the group, went back outside, rekindled the fire, did an herb and sat starring at the fire till after the group was over and the wimmin left. I was wishing very much that Gloria and Sally not come out to the fire and they did not. I spread a piece of cardboard i had gotten from a dumpster, laid down, and fell asleep. Wow sleep came easy.