THE DIVIDE CALLED MONEY

I thought a lot about what the woman asked me about the way she handled her money, or rather the money she had. I asked myself if i was envious of her having money, and then i asked myself what does having money mean to me? what does not having money mean to me? I am still thinking about those questions and some of the thoughts i have seem strange even to me. For example is having money the same as having sex? children? pets? cars? vitality? morality? virtuosity? love? bowel movements? pain? joy? a stomach ache? or any ache? I have seen what and how money is used, i had not thought of how the other things i had listed were used . How do others use sex, children, pets, cars and so on to their advantage. I started to feel as though i was getting way off track, i thought to myself this is about money, how did i get to this other stuff? Then the other me started to talk inside my head and here is what she said. The questions about money that were put to you by that woman are designed to cause you to begin to focus on other ideas rather than the ones you and the other wimmin had agreed to come together for. I said to myself surely this woman didn't come here just to get us off focus, and if its that easy to do surely we must have a lotta work on ourselves to do. The voice in my head said you see first one creates doubt, then after doubt one creates an incentive for navel gazing, after that everything else is very easy in terms of destroying a group idea. The question in my head but why would any woman want to create destruction in a wimmin-only group? Why not just go to a group that is not -wimmin-only? Am i losing it is this just some form of pre-patriarchal training that is rearing its ugly head is this real am i dreaming is this a figment of my imagination is this one of my demons i must deal with before i can go on in a (LHD -wimmin-only-space) ? What is going on? It is not money but the way money is used that divides us wimmin? Do you say that is true of the other divides meat and men its not them but the way they are used that divides us?

ET TU MON-EY AGAIN?

I think i need to go within again,cause there are a lot of happenings here at the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in wimmin-only-space, that are causing me great concern. Since the woman with the money came everyone seem to be running after her for some sort of approval. I am beginning to wonder if i feel distance from her because of the way she presents herself with money. Or is it i am upset because i don't have the obvious green stuff called money that she seems to have? or is it i really see how she uses money as some sort of power stick? I don't really know what it is, i do know that my feelings are really beginning to get stronger and i am feeling a bit uncomfortable in this setting now. Well i am from the school of face it so i think it is time for me to say something,but what? So i started with asking the woman if she had a lotta money? She asked me why did i ask? I said well i notice that you leave so much money here in the space, more than most of us leave, and that this gave me the impression that she had a lot of it. She said, no i do not have a lotta money, however, i feel compelled to leave money here because i feel as though i have found a place where i can learn to be myself all over again and i feel honored to be here, so the money i leave is a way for me to help this happening to continue, and yes it is a selfish motive i have, for i do have myself in mind when i do that. Then she asked me the strangest question. She asked me if i was envious of her ability to do leave what seemed to me large amounts of money? I answered that i had become suspicious of her motives. She said her motives were really simply, she believed in supporting that, that supported her. I said to her that money was one of the 3M's that divided wimmin, she said she thought it was not money that divided us but the way money is used was the dividing factor. I have heard this many times. What does this really mean?