SO MIX SOME WATER WITH THE WINE

Well this is a bottle of wine later or a story later don't know. Well whenever i feel i have had enough to think or is that to drink i wanna go lay down and go to sleep, i did that, what? have to much to think or drink and went to sleep, and wow did i ever dream. My dream i was at a festival with the womon i love and we were walking around the land, the land turned to a university campus and i was alone laying out on the grass getting sun on me belly when i look up and about 20thousand bodies were walking past me going into the buildings to i think register to be students,i have started to dream again almost every night,so anyway i jumped up off the grass and started toward the back of the building but it was so dark and i was getting scared i duck through what i thought was a building with bodies in it it was empty, i started to run and i ran directly into a figure standing next to the column a voice said to me sacred eh? and i heard my own voice answer scared of what ? the voice said to me you are scared of me, again i heard my voice say so who are you that i should be scared of ? voice answered i am the one who put you in that dark and i woke up with a start. Did i drink that wine i don't have a headache but i could not for the sake of me remember if i drank the bottle of wine, it wasn't morning yet so i got up walked into the kitchen to look for the bottle of wine,no wine in the kitchen, what about the living room no wine in the living room, OK so where is the bottle of wine i know i had one so where is it? Look in the garbage cans,nope no wine in the cans. I sat down on the floor and i said to myself i know i am not crazy nor going there, i had a bottle of wine somewhere in this apartment and the last time i remembered it was in the kitchen, i know i could not have drank it i would feel it now i know i would so take a deep breath and think, keep sitting on the floor until it comes to you, who you? a voice said in my head o no not now please alter i don't need you now pleezzze, o yes you do need me now said my alter cause you aren't sure if you're loosing it or not and i can help you, all you have to say is alter i need you please don't fail me now, me alter said go ahead say it say it. You know it is so easy to be high and mighty in the midst of having no fear, but fear fear fear what is that really how could one word create such tremblings. Now look at that word, i mean really look at the word FEAR FEAR F EAR FE AR, some how when i write it out it ain't that fearfull or should that be fear full, fear fill, fear ful? UMM. So anyway i said OK alter i will let you have your way for the moment,she started laughing like mad, she stop when i said alright alter i need your please don't fail me now, she said say it again, i said OK alter i need you please don't fail me now, she said now at this place you can chose to become angry or you can chose to have my help, so she said say it for the third time, i said OK alter i need you please don't fail me now, she smiled and said to me humbling isn't it? go look in the refrigerator, i got up off the floor looked in the frig and there was the bottle of wine laying on its side right where i put it last night before i literally threw myself in bed. What is a mind really it is not the brain so what is it ?as long a humankind has studied everything and especially its own kind how come no one has really discovered what a mind really is,is it really as this old womon told me one time that the mind is ether, air, one of the forces of nature we can see the effects of the mind but the mind is one of the mysteries in the universe, and being a mystery well that's what it is. And i had not open the mind i mean wine, i just thought i was loosing it. Now for a big glass of cool water. whew

WINE A PLANT BASED FOOD? DRINK?

Well well well i remember when my mother told me a story she said her mother told her and that her mother's mother told her, so this is a story from my mother,grandmother,and great grandmother, although i never met my great grand mother i think that is really one of the few wonders of the world getting to know your grandmothers, i have a niece and a grand niece, and a great grand niece but i don't feel like i imagined a grand or great grand feels. Now i really don't know where that just came from, but thinking about someone who has a great grand mother and know her and talk to her every day is quite an awesome thought to me. Well i say i have never met my great grand mother, that's not quite true when i look at my mother and her sisters and my sisters and the daughters that have i think i have met my great grand mother cause i know some of us have to look like her or hers,now to put a way of being to my great grand mother that would be die no mite and is a whole nother story. is nother a word? of course it is said me alter, you just used it and spelled it so it is a word, i do believe there is an a in front of that word, so put it there if that makes you feel more learned, how the hell can you be more learned, would not that be if that makes you feel learned all of this conversation to some one who does not exist. Me alter became a bit excited with this one and said to me please explain to me how does one not exist? How does non-existence show it self and if it does show it self how can it not exist. Well i started off thinkin about drinking a bottle of wine all by myself, some how now i don't think i need any wine or maybe i do, cause it really started off with a story that i was going to tell that my mother told me that her mother told her that her mother told her. See how crazy you can get in the head? are shrinks called shrinks because they help you shrink the thoughts in your head or because they help you shrink your thoughts about what is in your head?

THE PHONE CALLS

I really do know when things are abrewing ascrewing and things are doing just that, got some phone calls this a.m. wimmin wanted to know if i was tired of having (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING)events/actions at my apartment in an unsafe part of town, of course they did not say in an unsafe part of town i did, i told them no i was not tired, another asked what was i going to do with all the food that was left from the last event told her some of my thoughts, was interesting when i mentioned preparing some for the neighbors she got so salty said that was not what the food was left for i asked well tell me what the food was left for she said for us to prepare and eat it ourselves and for other wimmin who might come to the events/actions, she said she did not remember signing up for a role as a social worker or a food provider for people who did not want to work for their own. This is the same womon who seemed so angry at me at the last event/action. I know i will have to get at the bottom of her feelings i realized now is not the right time. She also asked me what was going to happen to and what was happening to the money that the wimmin left at each action/event, i told her that i had been giving thought to writing out what i have done with the money in the past and my plans for it in the future,she wanted to know who gave me permission to use the money and to decided what to do with it? Well i gotta say these questions caught me by surprise and i told her that, her comment i think we need to talk about this at our next meeting and gain some clarity on it. Well i want u to know that the shit hit the fan in my head, i asked her how did she think the water lights phone and other creature comforts that were used by the wimmin who came to my apartment in an unsafe part of town were paid, she said she did not think that was a concern of hers nor of the wimmin who came there, i told her we do need to discuss this in the group and that i had to go could not talk to her anymore. The truth i had to stop talking to her cause i was really beginning to loose it, i could feel the sweat on my forehead, my hands were damp and my heart had started to beat fast, so i knew it was time to say good bye, i did. Wow was i pissed off what who does she think she is? Me alter said to me that's what she was asking you who do think you are? Who do i think i am? I am the one who gives up my place for the actions/events, me alter said aw now aren't you great cause we all know if it wasn't for you wimmin could not meet with other wimmin, that is not what i mean, well she said what the hell do you mean? You make yourself sound as though you are the saving grace here, i do not, i still wanna know how the hell are those comforts to be taken care of certainly not all by me where am i to get the extra money to take care of those increased cost because of more bodies being in the apartment? Who is paying me for preparing food? using utilities? washing dishes? keeping the place hospitable and clean? what about those things? I have been doing all of this, me alter said no you have not all the wimmin help with the food and the dishes and other things so no you don't do all of it alone, and then they bring food and money and they don't get paid for this. I am not asking to be paid i simply think that this should not be a cost to or for me alone, me alter said it is not,so why get so upset? so talk about this in the next action/event, i plan to, me alter said i think that is all the womon was asking, so o.k. no angst eh?