LUNCH WITH WHO?

Well I did have lunch with me eggy lady, was interesting but not of interest, her desire is to get into my pants,my desire is to keep her away from me and my pants. She is an interesting womon but not one that I am particularly interested in from a sexual place.. She has not decided if she is a Lesbian or not and I am not interested in helping her find out. Told her that and it went over just funky, she got very indignant and of all things accused me of being a tease, told her she was full of crap and angry over feeling negelected by me but also told her that I know of a lot of wimmin who would be interested in her, and when she came to the next meeting I would introduce her to some, told me she did not know if she was coming to the next meeting, said whatever, she left in a big huff, will see what happens next.

WOW I AM BACK

Seems like forever since I've been here. So much has happened in the past few days, seems as though the world took on a super spin and I'm in the middle of it. Well where to begin, there is still talk going on from the last LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space event/action in THE HOUSE, or rather the First event/action in THE HOUSE. I got a chance to talk a lot to S...y about a lot of things. Talking to her has caused me to give a lot of thought to where am I going and where do I want to go, to what is important to me and who is important to me, since she has been talking to me it seems as though me alter has left me, well she does not show up in my brain as often. I no longer have this urge to go homeless, especially since I went on the streets to be around a homeless atmosphere for a bit, it really is not for me, just hanging out in the streets around so many homeless and most of them being men caused me great discomfort greater than the discomfort I sometimes feel when I am with the wimmin. So I guess it is a matter of me deciding what is good for me and to me. I do like hearing what S...y has to say I do think she is very wise, however I realize that I too have something to say that is worth listening to. What I don't really know yet but I will.

THIS IS FEED BACK ? O?

I am still reeling from the last rather the first (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space)event/action at THE HOUSE.The womon who said she was/is addicted to eating meat call me today, she wanted to know when we could get together to talk, she also said she really wanted to change her dietary patterns/habits and thought that I may be able to help her. My very first impluse was to say no since I remembered what S...y had said to me, but I did not, I asked her if she would allow me a day or so to get it together for myself and that if she gave me her phone number I would call her and let her know when, ok with her and she gave me her number. I started to really seriously think about what S...y had said and I knew I had to talk to her about this before I made a decision of any kind. The womon who had called me to have lunch suddendly didn't seem so exciting I begin to feel that too much was happening at once and that I needed some time alone, me alter said HAHA I knew it was coming, what was coming I asked you knew what was coming? and if you did how come you did'nt mention it before now? Silence. So anyway the day is just beginning my mind is still reeling from the action/event, and there is S...y out there playing in the fire ring like that is all there is in the world. I wonder how I would feel being homeless, I wonder if I could just walk out THE HOUSE right now and not say a word to S...y or anyone where I was going and just not come back? I wonder could I become a homeless womon? Does that take a lot of guts? Could I really right now with only what is on my body walk out and not come back here? Am I having a break with reality? and Which reality am I having a break with? How will I know this is a break? What are the signals? Desire? Thought? Fantasy?

FEED BACK FEED BACKS ANIMAL OR VEGETABLE?

Well without a doubt the first (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space ) was quite the action/event. Early this morning the telly rings and there is some womon saying to me that she had to call me to tell me this and it (the this) had been on her mind every since the meeting. OK I said to me self get ready this one may hurt. She said that she wanted to thank me and some of the other wimmin for inviting her to one of the most inspiring evening that she had experience in a long time. I must say I was quite taken aback and surprised and told her so, I asked her what was inspiring to or rather for her, she said the variety of wimmin who were at the meeting, she also said she had been to many wimmin/lesbian gatherings/groups and had never had the experience of being around some many different lesbians/wimmin. I reminded her that not all the wimmin who were at the event see or define themselves as lesbian, she said she realized that but it was the variety that so impressed her. She then asked me if I would like to go out for a tea or lunch one day,this surprised me and I was not ready for it, and before I realized it I said no I did not think that was possible. She asked why not, I said because I really did not know her, She laughed and said of course you don't, I don't know you either, and how could we get to know each other unless we started somewhere, and lunch seemed like the perfect place to start. I asked if I could get back in touch with her, she said of course when? Surprised by her egg-i-ness, I said I would call her back in three days. She asked why three days, she said if I was going to do it I knew now as well as I would in three days. I felt a bit pushed and said OK, OK, I'll call you tonight at this she said well tell me now and let it be done, I said no I did not want to go out,she said very fine I will bring lunch to your house or rather as the wimmin called it THE HOUSE tomorrow at 2 with lunch in hand and we wont have to go out, now how does that grab you? I had to laugh at her persistence and answered ok., see you tomorrow at two. She said bye and so did I, wow I have never had a womon come on strong to me before now, that felt kind of good, I heard me alter say O look at the smile on your face.

WHAT A NIGHT O WHAT A NIGHT

It was quite a night what a night it was the first (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space) wow. Fifty wimmin showed up for the first, the food a hit, THE HOUSE loved by everyone,the topics wow topics I would have never imagined surfaced. One of the topic that took center stage was the splitting up of the group into another group, the group where everybody is invited, the food is not plant based and it is not a wimmin-only group. One of the wimmin started the discussion by saying she thought it was a tragedy wimmin could not get along enough to have a unified group and thus causing another group to form. I said I thought it was very good to see groups split from each other to form other groups I went on to say that I thought it was a healthy process because it allowed others to seek out and form groups that supported their particular interest, and that no group could meet the interest of everybody, to wit groups of like minded people could come together and do what they thought was necessary to accomplish their goals without the infighting that comes because of a difference in interest. Another womon responded to me saying that my way of thinking was always a questionable one as she saw it and that my need to have my way by having a wimmin-only group and plant based food was the real cause of the split. I responded by saying that if that was the reason then I was very happy about it. Because it cause those of us who wanted a wimmin-only group and plant based foods to take a sincere look at what we wanted and perhaps this is what happen with the other wimmin. One womon thought that the group should make an effort at reconciliation with the newly formed group, but I questioned why? I asked are we not still talking to each other, I spoke with one of the wimmin from the other group this a.m. Another womon said she thought reconciliation was a good idea, one other said what and why would we do that since as far as she was concerned there was no breakup just a going on to our desired ways. Many wimmin were new and did not have any idea of what was going on and G..... said this, why are we starting out our new group with subjects that have really nothing to do with us now, since many of the wimmin were new to the group,she went on to say let us start with the concerns of the wimmin who are here now. Everyone seemed to agree to this and so we begin. The womon who some time back in the old group who had mentioned she was addicted to meat,asked if she could get some feed back on her concerned of how to become not
addicted to eating animal parts.(well she did not say animal parts I did). I started out by asking her how much plant based foods had she eaten since the last time the group met. She said she had now developed the habit of eating a salad three times a week, I said that was great and I still wanted to know how much animal did she eat in the run of a week? One of the new wimmin there said she thought it was very rude of me to call meat animal parts and that it was an insult to wimmin who did eat meat. I said so if you think calling animal parts meat is not an insult to the animals being eaten, then why is it an insult to those doing the eating? And why not call it what it is,I went on to say by giving it such an exotic name of meat, we don't have to take responsibility for participating in the slaughtering and maiming of millions of animals of land,air and sea. My conversation went over like a lead balloon.The womon who said she was addicted to eating animals, started to cry and I asked her what was that about, she said I had hurt her feelings, I said I did not know that I was that powerful,some wimmin gasped, I heard one voice say this is terrible and I responded with so what do you think the animal being eaten thinks about how terrible it was? I felt tonight is the night to get it all out in the open, stop farting around the subject of animal eating, if that is what you do and you want to stop, then, stop. I looked at the womon who said she was addicted and said if you really want to stop eating animal then do that and stop playing with yourself on the subject, I also told her I would help her if she wanted me to but I would no longer be her commode to dump in after she had eaten the animal, I also told her that not being willing to make some effort of not eating meat as she called it was her work to do not mine and that I would sincerely help if she sincerely wanted helped,and that she would get not pity from me. Some of the wimmin in the group sat with their mouths open as though in shock. I went on to say this was not my attempt at being mean, that this was my effort at being honest with this womon which is something I felt had not been done in the pass, I told the womon if she wanted to we could have a least one or two meals together a week and talk about her concern and what else she could do to help herself in her journey. She kept boo-who-ing, I told her if she wanted to take me up on the offer I would be willing to hear her response tonight but after tonight if she choose not to, that I would turn on my deaf ear to her every time she brought the subject up,cause I personally thought she was in some form of denial. I dont know what happened but I continued once started. I said that I thought that some of the wimmin in the group had been mean in so much as they would talk about this womon behind her back, about her size and how she smelled, and how they did not want to be seen with her but they could not tell her to her face what they were thinking about her, yet, here in the meeting they acted as though I was the enemy, I shared with the womon that I was being as sincere as I could be and that I sincerely wanted to help her, if that was what she wanted and only if that was what she wanted, she continue to boo who like a baby, and everyone was handing her nose wipers, I got up and went into the kitchen, I have had enough of this. I stayed in kitchen for a good 10mins., when I came out everyone seemed to have calmed down and the womon had stopped crying. Well I said to myself that is one way to get someone to shut up, just start crying. Me alter showed up and said, were you being kind when you said what you said, and if you were you will sit your ass down and be a part of the group again, or are you making an attempt to Manipulate the group? Well the wimmin had started talking about another subject when I came back to the group. One womon said to me so what was the going in the kitchen for the past 10mins., about? I looked at her and said control, and sat down. I think I am finished for the night as far as discussions are concerned, besides I had glanced out the window and S...y had started a fire, I guess I did too. The group was going on quite OK without my comments, so I decided to go outside to the fire,and I did that, when I got outside S...y was sitting on a log peering into the fire which was quite beautiful, she said got a little hot in there to you yea? so that is the real reason you are out here with me yes? I did not answer I sat down and glared into the fire and I was beginning to wonder if I should be pissed but I wasn't. I am alright sitting out here, let the group go on and it did, went on till midnight, and then some of the wimmin came and sat around the fire, one of the wimmin made an effort to get some conversation started but no one was interested in talk, I guess everyone had talked out. G.... came out looked at the fire said well this is something I did not expect and then said goodnight. The other wimmin left about a half hour later, S.... and I sat and talked and gazed into the fire until about l o'clock, I fell asleep on the ground next to the fire, when I woke up the Sun was rising, I looked up in the tree and S....y was sitting facing the east with her legs crossed lotus style, I got up and went into THE HOUSE, the wimmin from the meeting had cleaned up everything, washed dishes and put leftover foods away, I looked around and wondered to myself if maybe I had gone a bit to far last night, but there was nothing I could do about that, and I know I will hear some feedback soon. WOW and that was the first(LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space ) in THE HOUSE.

THE BIG COOKER OR IS THAT COOKEE

Well tonight is the night and I have started to cook what I think will be a big hit. This is the first (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in wimmin-only-space) action/event in THE HOUSE. I am very excited and from what I have heard from the wimmin I've called they are also. One womon said she made a carrot/banana cake another one said she made a ginger beer drink and another wanted to know if she made kool-aid would anyone drink it, I suggested to her Lemonade. The event/action is scheduled to start at 7.30pm, and there seems as though there will be about 40 wimmin coming. I discovered how to make soysage from tofu, so I will offer a pasta dish of multi-grain spaghetti with tomato portobella mushroom sauce, organic of course, a nice radicchio,arugula, romaine,carrot, cucumber and mung bean sprout salad, with a balsamic, ume plum vinegar dressing and a ginger dressing. I got some organic green beans and I will steam them with slivered almonds. I got some vegan cheese and I will offer it but the last time I did that no one wanted to try it, will see what happens. I realized that me alter had not been to see me in a while and I do wonder what that is about, I sort of miss her. O well leave her be. One thing feels good we don't have to concern ourselves with parking. It will be interesting to see what and how the wimmin coming will be have not seen them now for about 2 months, be interesting to see what the conversations will be about. I have prepared enough food for 50wimmin. I am a bit nervous, but I will get through this. So now am I the cooker or the cookee? Whatever. I plan to have a great time tonight and I want everyone else to have one.

THE CALLS THE FALLS

I looked over the list of names of the wimmin who I need to call today to remind them of the first (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wmmin-only-space) action/event to take place in THE HOUSE.I had a total of forty wimmin to call did not realize that so many wimmin had at some time or another been a part of this group. So on about the task. I asked S...y if she would be open to calling some of the wimmin for me she said no, she did not want to be a part of the group until she saw who and how they were. So i set about the task, the first 7 wimmin I called were really happy to hear from me and that there would be an event next week, all agreed to come and said they would bring another womon, that's 14 wimmin already, but I won't fret because we now have a bigger space. The next 7 wimmin I call was not such an easy task. Three of the wimmin told me that they had started a group together of wimmin who also met twice a month and who had decided that they no longer wanted to be a part of a vegetarian group and that they wanted the freedom of inviting various speakers to the group and that sometimes those speakers would be men who were experts in their fields. And that they were open to being a part of the group if we chose to change some of our limits (and they said limits) about who could come to the group and what kind of food would be allowed. So, I told them the food choices would continue to be plant base and the group is still for wimmin only, also told them that I would not count them in for the next action/event, nor would I be calling them again, we agreed.That still left 26 wimmin for me to call, and so I began. I called 7 more wimmin, of the seven I called four said that they would be there and would bring something and would let me know what they would bring in the next few days,the three other simply said that they would be there. That left nine more wimmin to call, one womon asked that I not call her again, because she was still upset with what some womon in the group had done to her but she did not want to discuss it, two wimmin were out of town, I left the message anyway,3 wimmin said that they would be there and the other three did not answer their phones I will attempt to call those 3 latter on,tonight. The action/event is scheduled for next Wednesday night, so food preparation in on the agenda next and that really excites me.

OUR CUP BOARDS RUNNTH OVER?

Well sometimes it is difficult to remember that there are many who are hungry when you look at such a full cupboard of foods and a re frig full and most of them grown organically. I have to consider the reality of hunger. I read just recently that most of the worlds hunger is caused by the agribus and meat industry's need to make sure that they make a lot of money with the selling of animals and their body parts, with the addiction of people to the consummation of animals and their parts by making sure that what is fed to the animals will keep the human animals demanding and craving quote "MEAT" and in addition making sure that vegetables,grains, fruits are tampered with through genetic modification, a pretty term for fu..... with the genes of these food so as to get the most money. To me it seems very strange for a government to allow food tampering, to act as though they don't see what is happening, and in the same breath develop so many laws around money tampering. I remember growing up when my mother and father would say to us girls "as long as you are without malice toward others life will always be meaningful to you,it seems that there is a huge amount of malice going on in the hearts and minds of those who are seemingly in power, to not give a damn about the well being of those who have selected or elected them,quote to serve them the people. The World Vegan Society is making every effort to see to it that peoples everywhere have access to the food and the seeds to continue their own well being. Few really know how much the growing of soy to feed "live stock" diminishes and destroy the land that could be used to grow soy for human consumption that would not destroy the land and would feed the people so many times over than the slaughter of one cow, goat, chicken, pig, or turkey. Governments interested in money not people, cannot continue to exist healthily because the very ones that are needed to do the shit work are being knocked of by the quote food being presented. The very ones who have to bring more workers here so that bad governments can continue to exist are doom. The wimmin will have less capabilities to have the children that these governments depend on to full fill their expectations of workers, laborers and modern day slaves. How did I get to this? It is really easy when I think about the hunger that is real and does exist right in my own hood, I do not have to go to Africa, Asia nor South America, all i really have to see is down the streets. And then what happens? Then I want to change the diets of everyone and make vegetarian/vegan lifestyles a very living and serious happening. But how real is this? The next questions that come to mind is how did governments get so much power? How did they come in possession of so many food choices? How can this be changed? What do we(not the royal we) but the us we do to make this change? And is this real? Maybe it really is true start with myself, and the world changes.

SO ENOUGH WITH THE WHYS ALREADY

So I guess that is enough with the pondering, now to get back to having (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space)actions/events. Now THE HOUSE is ready to really receive the wimmin for the events/actions,she looks good smell good and is good. The re frig is stocked to the block,we have Organic Tofu, and Seitan, Organic green beans, cabbage, collared,turnips,kale Swiss chard, rutabagas,potatoes white and sweet, onions, garlic, tomatoes,parsnips, 2 kinds of broccoli, leeks, ginger, carrots, beets, scallions, carrots, eggplant, zucchini, shallots, chives, curry leaves, basil, parsley, cilantro, thyme and dill fresh. Also there is Organic Soy milk. I have been making every effort to encourage the wimmin to eat raw so I will be including at least one raw offering at the actions/events. The soy cheese is the hardest to convince other wimmin to use, although I have used it often and everyone seemed pleased with what I do with it, it is almost impossible to convince them to eat it by itself as a cheese, will find some other recipes to use it in, cause I insisted on buying it we do have some. There is a lot of rumbling going on about the use of animal based cheese at the actions/events. Many of the wimmin want it. Many do not. So now what do we do? Remember these actions/events are supposed to use only plant based foods for serving. Why o why is it always about this eating of the animal and her products thang. I know that this will come in again soon and must be dealt with. On the shelves, we have stocked the following. Nutritional yeast, black strap molasses without sulphur, mirin,umboeshi plum vinegar, whole wheat flour, spelt flour, rice flour, millet, tvp, dried and fermented black beans, dried kidney,black eyes, navy, pintos, Lima,garbanzo, and dried pastas of all kind soba,undon,spinach noodles, buckwheat noodles. A variety of soy products, bean curd skin, yuba and fu, dried. So in reality we are ready food wise for a great time. I have to get some fresh fruits and take a look at sweets already made or to make, I am really excited about all the food stuff (healthy) and very excited to prepare, now to make contacts with the other wimmin, and I will do that tonight.

DISCRIMATION? DISCERNING?

Well it has been a while since we have had an event/action at the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING- in- wimmin-only space), I know it is because of the move to THE HOUSE and she is almost ready for receiving others. I am going to start sending out invites to the wimmin next week, everybody is all caught up pulling the skins off of birds this week, well not everybody, but many. So there really is no need to talk alot about being vegetarian or eating vegan. I do believe those of us who are really true to being vegetarian/veganers/rawist will do what we do without all the fanfare for attention. I spoke with some wimmin today about being sincere in whatever it is we do and that sparked quite a conversation. I started the conversation by asking this question. When someone who declares themselves as a whatever,let me say as a firm believer of truth and to them truth is any womon who unites herself with another womon is bound to go hell and in reality is in hell already, and should be taught the truth about being a womon, and to them that truth is she should not be womon directed but should seek the truth about being here for the continuation of man and his kind. Is this discrimination or discernment?
Let me take another example. This one declares that they believe that only Black people should join the NAACP, and that anyone else who joins is making an attempt to disrupt and destroy the organization and therefore should not be allowed to join. Discrimination or Discernment? Let me propose another example. When the Italian Americans create their own club, French Americans, Jewish Americans, Polish Americans, Native Americans, etc., create their own organizations and are exclusively for the particular group of people, is this Discrimination or Discernment?
These are the thought I have been rolling over in my mind, over and over again. So why when we lesbian/wimmin get together with each other exclusively, WHY is this Discriminatory and not Discerning?

HAVE I COME FAR?

Well I never thought that being in a LESBIAN HOUSE DINING in wimmin-only space would lead me or rather bring me this far. And I am not so sure of how far I am. It seems to me that the more I learn the less I know and the more I see the less I am sure of. To think that going shopping with the wimmin I went with would cause me to think so much about cultural amalgamation, and cause me to really wonder if all of these thoughts and conversations are really of any value. Ultimately is this really of any value and how so?

WHO MOM AND POP?

Well the shopping went well at all the stores, the wimmin had a lotta fun at the mom and pop stores and we got a chance to talk about the importance of the continuing of any cultural place. And I told them that I thought that mom and pop businesses really were the saving grace in American culture to keep the idea of grass roots ideas alive and thriving, of course they thought that maybe I had taken the idea a bit to far to include not only grocery stores but all stores, business and social and cultural organizations that served a particular group of humans. One womon said she thought that we as humans get a chance to lean more about each other when we mix and mingle not when we stay only with our own. I gave that a lot of thought and still do and I do see the value of staying non-homogenized culturally. Another womon said that when we become exclusive orientated that our views become narrowed, discriminatory and dictatorial. I ask her if she would say that of religions, she said no she did not get the connection. I also asked if this was true did she not think that maybe such clubs as Polish, Italian,African, French and Cuban American clubs may fit that 'exclusive orientated' thang that she just spoke of? She said she thought that I was taking things just a bit to far, that was her response and she began to talk about something else with the other wimmin. I thought to myself is that how others or myself throw off conversation or thoughts that we prefer to ignore? Another thought came to me,and this is over foods different foods and thought from others so is this homogenized or non-homogenized?

MOM AND POP VERSUS SUPERMARKET MOM AND POP

Well today we go for the food to shop for food for the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING)event/action, the first one in THE HOUSE. I told G..... et al that i would met them at the big health food store that they have taken to going to. (I really think that shopping there for them is an 'in thawg'). When we are finished at this store i want to convince them to come with me to this wonderful store run by a huge family of Italians and another one run by a large Vietnamese family. So anyway shopping with them is quite a trip or rather as my mother would say quite a vacation. First we oohed and ahahaed at the variety of organic fresh veggies i was thrown by the prices of some of the veggies,much of them reminded me of growing up with my sisters in a big city where my mother and my father bought with them the same love of farm fresh veggies by growing most of our greens for the table and i don't remember my father making that much money on the extra veggies he sold. I certainly would remember if someone paid him or my family four dollars for 7 leaves of collards. Why we would have been millionaires at that rate. So anyway they wanted the organics so did I but not at those prices, and the first thing they ask me was so where are we going to go to get organically grown veggies? I answered by growing our own. They all look at me as though I had grown another head and almost in unison said yea. What have we learned that causes us to believe that we can not even accomplish the simple? I mean seeds are still in the world, how the hell do they think the collard leaves were grown, and from what? I said to myself another time and I will talk to them about a garden, but not now, besides they are getting hungry and so am I . So we eat here? I don't think i can afford lunch here so how do I deal with this? Maybe a cup of soup and bread ? Wow i know you gotta get the cup with the soup for that price.Maybe a glass of water? O no I have to buy a bottle of it. Is there a faucet in this place or am I out of touch to ask?

THE HOUSE CALLS AGAIN

Well a lot has been happening, we have had no (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING)actions/events yet in THE HOUSE, because we have been working on her to get her looking like i and the other wimmin would like, i can see that some of the wimmin are looking at my friend S.l.. strangely. I've told all of them who come by that she is my friend who was homeless and that she would be living in her tent in the back yard here. No one has made a comment about that. So,THE HOUSE on the inside she will be painted a beautiful Sky Blue with a rose trim in the kitchen and the living room will be painted a Beautiful Rose with sky blue trim, yea right that's the ops paint i was able to find cheaply but quality and colors i like and thought other wimmin would like or at worst get use to.If i don't have enough for the rest of the rooms i will wait until there is some more ops paint what ever color and go from there. I really want to be done with this so that we can get back to our (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in wimmin- only-space) actions/events started again i really miss being with the other wimmin and i really really really miss fixing the food for that. I have all of my things settled in THE HOUSE the kitchen needs to be furnished and the frig needs cleaning for food, the cabinet space in the kitchen is really abundant and i like that. G..... came over today and told me that she and some of the other wimmin had decided to buy some foods for the group meetings and wanted me to come along to the store to show them what i thought they should buy, since i did most of the cooking. I thought to myself so how come y'all didn't ask me what i thought of them going to buy food for my house, and as i was thinking this me, alter shows on the scene with, O HERE YOU GO AGAIN WITH YOUR HOUSE. I said to the wimmin i would be happy to go to the store with them tomorrow but not today we agreed. You know i wonder should i not question these little things? am i being picky? OK i am faced with this again where do rights begin? who has them? can they be granted? who grants them? what gives them the right to grant? or who gives them that right? and where did they gain the right? So here i go again, no, never again, to begin . Twas Gertrude S. who said when this you see remember me. YES

THE HOUSE CALLS

Well we all have been so busy making attempts to get THE HOUSE ready for me to live in and to start having( LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in -wimmin only space)events actions. I want to repaint the inside walls because the stark white makes me think of an institution of some sort. I must ask G..... first because this is her house, i would like to see the walls in a soft blue with an accent of a darker blue, i don't have money for paint so i think i will visit the paint stores in the first in the front to see if they have any oops paint at a cheaper price, then i will visit behind the store to see what they are throwing out, although i want blues i will accept what ever i find cheaply or freely. I want the house to pop, i want her to look alive and be alive some color. Wow me alter said finally you do agree THE HOUSE needs color. Yes she does. So i called G..... and asked about painting the inside she said that was fine she had only one restriction, no black nor red paint, i said no problem. I shall go looking for paint tomorrow i just did not have the nerves to ask her to buy the paint and she did not volunteer. So off to the paint store. You know one womon called and said she would give money for paint but i don't know the voice of my homeless friend keep coming back to me about being obligated or rather becoming obligated, so i think i might need to refuse this offer.

THE HOUSE MOVES ?

Well,I've got all of my stuff moved from my apartment in an unsafe part of town moved to THE HOUSE, i will be moving my body in today. The last time i went over to THE HOUSE, i was walking in the yard and it is really a big yard, and spied 3 beautiful cats one gray, one white, and the other solid black with a white stripe in the middle of her face, i made a note to myself to put out water and food for them. I also spied a place to plant a garden i have some organic collard green seeds and some organic basil seeds that i plan to start in a garden. I had planted some organic tomato seeds in a pot when i lived in the apartment and they are doing just fine, so, i think i will plant some in the ground and see what happens. THE HOUSE is really very beauti-filled there are 2 bedrooms,1 1/2 baths, large dining room (of which i have to get use to), a huge living room, and a medium size kitchen ( the kitchen seem large to me considering what the kitchen i just came from look like). I will definitely have to get use to the size of THE HOUSE and the yard, wow what a new experience for me. Several of the wimmin called to tell me that they had something for THE HOUSE, i had to get use to receiving and receiving graciously the gifts they offered. I did not want to get into feeling that i had to accept everything offered however i know that one of my weakness is my ego and the experience of being offered so many gifts was a bit alarming to me, and arrogance is so easy for me to show. And so to begin, not again, simply begin.

THE PLOT THICKENS OR DOES IT?

Well after much thought i have to reconsider the idea of getting rid of my alter, someone suggested that i name her give her reason d'etre, give her identity, give her more meaning in my life, and if i do that i would find that she really is a friend not a foe. I don't know if i should chance doing that, what if i do all of that and it really does not work, then she could really loose it on me and try and dominate my life and actions with her constant talk, what if she get upset with the idea of me trying to rid myself of her and becomes angry? I mean she could wreck havoc in my world and then what would or could i do? I have tried talking and reasoning with her that does not work. I have tried ignoring her and she creeps up in my head whenever she likes and talks her ass off. I know a womon who said she rid herself of her alter by drinking a lot of alcohol,not a good one for me, so she became an alkie, but she no longer had to listen to her alter, another womon told me that a good shrink could jolt me alter away, but that means i am the one who has to get the electrodes. I went again to talk to an elder, she told me that unless i could learn to see me alter as a sincere friend who always had my interest at heart, that i would always feel at odds with her. She also told me that she thought it would do me good to sit down and make an honest attempt to talk with and to,not,at me alter, that sounds like good advice for me to follow, so my next quest is a long long unadulterated talk. I really need to do this soon so as not to go really nut-c

THE PLOT

After having a long discussion with me alter i have decided to get rid of her, i don't really know how to do this with out getting rid of myself so i also decided to ask her how i should do it? So i called upon her over and over again and to no prevail,so i will have to go back to the planning board. How does one rid the mind? Is this really possible? Can it be done without the use of drugs? Can it be done through deprivation? Can it be done through foods? I certainly do not want to get rid of myself. Have there been any studies done on alter removal? Is there a science that deals solely with alter removal? So where or who do you go to for this service? What do i look under in the yellow or gaylow pages are there such pages?

SO ANYWAY AGAIN?

So i don't really care what my alter has to say about the color of THE HOUSE, well, i don't think i care. So anyway THE HOUSE is all everyone is talking about and she is beautifilled and beautiful. G..... really did go way out to make THE HOUSE look great inside and out, even the yard was done so incredible, she had different wild flowers planted allover, she had aki avocado,guava,sea grape,sapadilla, and mango trees planted, and had a place dug out for a garden to placed. The really nice thing is she did not have a lotta grass planted everywhere and the was very pleasing to me. All the wimmin were talking about how they would like to see the house decorated, and i thought to my self now is this my house? or the groups house? And i heard my alters voice in my head ha ha she said see? see? how easy it is for the mine-nes to take over? mine, mine mine, ha she said ha ha ain't that a fruity one? mine, mine mine, now its gone fromTHE HOUSE, to mine, mine, mine, my HOUSE. Well i said i didn't mean it like that, i mean is it, or, is it not my house didn't G..... offer it to me? and didn't she say if the group decided to meet somewhere else we (meaning she and i) could work something out? And me alter said but you where the one who was not sure if you wanted to move or not and the group did decide that they would movewith or without you,so, whose house is it? Well i said to her i see no need to get into this now,i really think that you are in an argumentative mood because you really did not want me to move but you did not have the eggs to say so, and at this she said look i have the eggs to say anything i please its you who don't want to hear what i have to say and i do know why. Well anyway i said the real deal here is to get moved into the house and create a peacefilled wimmins only space,and not get caught up in the 3M's thing.My alter said in an attempt to avoid what is you all will go to any extreme wont you?I have no need to talk to myself.

ANYWAY DIALOG WITH ME ALTER ON THE HOUSE

OK OK, i said to my alter the name is THE HOUSE THE HOUSE THE HOUSE, there is no need to keep on going on about the name lacking in color, since we are the ones who give power to words let it be, if the wimmin feel the name is powerful or powerfilled then let it be. Me alter started again how? she asked how do you know if the wimmin have even given any thought to the precept that the name THE HOUSE has no color? How do you know if the wimmin have given thought to the idea that we imbue words with power? How do you know this? you have never taken the time to ask them you are so busy caught up in your own shit that you have not even taken the time to ponder this your self its me, me, who is doing it and you don't even give me credit for my own existence, you are the one who is lacking openness and acceptance, those are just some words you use when you really don't want to accept you own ineptness, i should really just leave your dumb ass to your self, and with this comment she shut-up. I heard myself saying come back here you pompous butt i do have something to say about what you just said and i want to be sure you hear every word, no comment from her and before i knew i was yelling at they top of my voice, you come back here, no luck she would not say a word. Well its just as well i have other things i must busy myself with. I could have sworn i heard my alter say YEA.

I WANNA BE THE COOK

Well i have made a few decisions lately, one OK i move to the new place they are already calling her THE HOUSE, sounds very different from my apartment in an unsafe part of town. Now that moniker has quite a sound, challenging, verboten, exciting, but THE HOUSE THE HOUSE THE HOUSE, now how does that really sound? Of course this is my alter talking not me i have promised myself that i would be open and accepting, i don't know to what or whom i will be open and accepting, but that is my promise to me now.So i am about the task of ignoring the voice of me alter just now. I am open and accepting of the reality that the wimmin choose to call her (THE HOUSE) and i will do the same whenever i am talking to them about her i think for now anyway. But doesn't that name seem to lack some sort of color? vibrancy?
FIRE? that is me alter talking.not i.But she may have something here, is that name lacking in color, what if you create something and forgot to give it fire,would someone else come along and give it fire? is that possible since it is your (whoever your is ) creation? I mean if the name doesn't have fire according to whom? can anyone give fire to it or is this a task that can only be perform by the creator? And if so can anyone give any element to anything? and if so then can one change the nature of something at any given time? O.K. The I need to know who is talking here? Ha ha ha figure it out. I still wanna be the COOK.

FOOD YOU BETTA BELIEVE IT

Well i have decided on the food and i am going to do something really different if found some organic cauliflower at the market and i am going to do southern style fried cauliflower, that's where you dip the veggie in coarse corn meal then flour and then fry it and is it good,sounds like a wonderful meal,for the group, now for the phone calls. I called 25 wimmin of the 25 all said they would be at the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING) -in-wimmin-only-space action/event, the other 5 wimmin i did not have to call they called me to say that they would be there and would be bringing other wimmin with them that brings the number up to 35,wow i don't know how that is going to work out the woman who runs the apartment building is already in a thither over the parked cars, o well we will see maybe she will be out that night.Now to wait it out. Food looks good,apartment looks good i have Rosanna on for music, lights at right glow, i picked a bunch of wild flowers for the center piece, everything looks good, got some really subtle incense for burning, i think that will help the mood. I did not use up all the 150.00dollars i have 100.00 of it left. This should be a good event, i am in a wonderfilled mood and i have promised myself and me alter that i would make every effort to stay focused and calm (as much as possible). I have really prepared a plant based meal and i feel good about that, i think some wimmin will bring something for food from their homes,great.

SO IS THIS REALLY ABOUT FOOD ?

It is time for me to call the wimmin about the next (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING)-in-wimmin-only-space event/action and to talk about what i will prepare for food. From the last event i have 150.00dollars, 3lbs of organic tofu, 5lbs of vital wheat gluten, 7 organic oranges, and 2lbs more of basmati rice also 2lbs of organic wild rice,don't have any green veggies, must get some, and something to drink or make a drink. I keep thinking about the wimmin in the group, there are quite a few of us now,30 of us to be exact and the group is still growing, i don't know if i can handle the success of the group in terms of numbers, i would much rather a smaller group but there were no limits put on how many of us could be or would be in the group, i really want the group to divide and i know that that will happen naturally i just wish it would happen soon. I will make the phone calls to the wimmin tonight and will go shopping today, i think for veggies cauliflower, broccoli, and red swiss chard,that sounds good, the starch will be basmati and wild rice mix, and i am going to make seitan from the vital wheat gluten and then make it bar-b-qued,maybe i need to make a mixed grill with the tofu and the seitan, i must make more food cuz of the increased numbers, but first let me call to see if everyone is coming. This is the part i really could get into, maybe i don't need to be a member of the group, just the food preparer, that is not a bad idea. And wouldn't you know it me alter starts to talking in me head, o right she said,it is more comfortable for you to hid in the kitchen and cook rather than be with the wimmin dealing with the things that you are not always comfortable with isn't it? I choose not to answer her, after all she is not really real she is only in my head, and with that she said to me you know, you are really a piece of work,whenever it is not what you want to hear i become not real, do you know what would happen to you if you went to a shrink and said you hear voices in your head that are not real? sister girl your ass would be filled with all kinds of meds, and there would be considerations of locking you up in the hatch and you know what kind of hatch I'm talking about.

WELL?

well after we had calmed down a bit a new womon said she would like to talk about her quilt over eating eating anything,i had never heard anyone say that they had quilt over eating,so this was totally new to me. I wanted to hear more,but some of the other wimmin said that they thought the group had been totally spent and they were not in the frame of mind to hear anything more, they wanted the group to end. I wanted to hear what the womon had to say about quilt over eating,so i asked her if she would mind staying after the group and talking to me? she was fine with that but most of the wimmin in the group said that they thought that conversation should take place with everyone there,so the womon decided to leave with the rest. I got to thinking is everything here to be done only by group approval? I started to say that but change my mind cuz i had already been pretty up in your face vocal in the action/event of (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING) in-wimmin-only-space. I asked my alter if it was time for me to leave the group and search for another group? She said when it is time for you to leave you will not have to ask me you will know for yourself. So ok who needs an alter?

THE FOOD RECEPTION

Wow, what a reception to the foods that i fixed, it was fantastic,the wimmin had never had aki, and i must say i did a wonderful job of preparing, it was tender and tasty and with the basmati rice it was great, the tofu i baked and it was good also. The mixture of collards,mustards and callalou greens was to die for none of the wimmin had had callalou before so that was an added treat, the corn pudding was good however i think i over seasoned it and the green tea instead of serving it hot i made cold green tea we all liked it very much. One womon made a banana carrot cake for desert, another womon made a quinoa salad and both were very good. The one thing that got me really crazy were the wimmin who insisted on talking about the killing of some animals for food and how much they missed having fried chicken, i got so crazy that before i knew it i went outside pick up one of the cats who would come to play with me on occasion, took her inside to the wimmin and asked them if they would like her fried in olive oil or canola oil? one of the wimmin then had the nerve to ask me if maybe i had had one joint to many? I asked her had she not had one dick to many to have the need to talk about fried chickens, and i told her i really thought she was missing dick and the death that comes with it, she promised to re-arrange my face and i said to her go home to your abusive misogynist fudge packing husband, with that another womon stood between us and asked us to calm down, i put the cat outside and said that i was calm i was just tired of hearing about the killing of animals, by this womon every time she showed up for the group and i was also tired of hearing about her stupid ass husband, and that the group was not formed to please some tired-ass misogynist straight women who were tired of their husbands and wanted and expected us to do something about them,knowing damn well that they hated their husbands and couldn't admit to it. I supposed i may have gotten out of hand and i felt damn good doing it. Well we are at a (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space) aren't we?we do have the courage to say what we think don't we? and who is we?

CAN WE EAT PLEASE?

You know so much has been on the table that i can digest, but now i need food. So for the next (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING) in-wimmin-only-space, i am going to go all out for food, since i can spend some of this money on food i will do that. I am starting with my neighbor down the street, she has an aki tree, and i know that many of the wimmin have never tasted aki, and those who have never the way i am going to prepare it as a strudel with basmati rice, remember the aki is poisonous until it breaks open and let the gases out, so i always get the aki i use from the womon up the street cause she is Jamaican and has grown and sold the aki for years, her aki is always freshly picked for each customer, and is always so good, in talking with her i found out that she grows all her trees organically and has been for years. Corn is still in season so i am going to make a corn pudding, collard greens mixed with mustard greens and callaloo. It's getting cooler so i will make some hot green tea, sounds very good to me. I found a new fruit today i call it a fruit, i ask the man who was working around the tree, if he know what it was he called it a pitch harbor, i have n ever heard of this one will need to look it up before i eat or serve it. Every thing is plant based, good no gab on that one. Music let's go for Hazel's LOVE OF MY LIFE, i think everybody will be in a sort mellow mood, i am, lights just right, not cafeteria style, plant center piece on table but away from food, no talk about possible or real allergies,chairs,some and some milk crates, i must really deal with the house thing, it is getting really to small here for all of us, maybe I'll suggest someone else house for next time,will see.

THE HOUSE?

So two pee breaks later and still no talk about THE HOUSE,so i mentioned it and to my surprise the wimmin wanted to table the talk about THE HOUSE for another time or rather another action/event of LESBIAN HOUSE DINING.That really is ok with me. One womon the one who said she had the hots for one of the wimmin (no i called it hots), wanted to talk about her feelings that she said were still there for the mystery womon. I opened my mouth to say something and decided not a good time nor thought. However i did think to myself o hell just tell the womon how you feel, i caught myself cuz i of all wimmin need not talk about telling someone hell just tell her how you feel when i can barely tell myself how i feel. A womon in the group did something that i thinks takes eggs, she asked the womon am i the one you have the hots for(well she didn't say hots) she said feelings for? I said to myself what if she says no can this womon take that? what if she said yes, could she take that? Well the womon answered yes, the whold group got quiet and the womon who asked turned scarlet, and i said to myself well i'll be damn. Then someone said that she thought the action/event had been long enough and she needed to go, pretty everyone else nodded their heads in agreement, but i wanted to hear more, the scarlet womon was getting a really deep color is that magenta? I wanted to hear more,but scarlet and her newly announced love were busy looking at each other and i think everyone in the room wanted to leave them alone, of course that didn't happen. Some one said yes i think it is time to call it quits for the night,and we did.

OK I'M NEW ET TU TU?

Well the action/event continues, this time i want to see who if anyone bring up THE HOUSE, but i must bring up what we will do with the money and food that is left here after the action/event is over,so how to do that. One of the new wimmin asked what was the purpose of the group,one of the wimmin who had been here before explained that we were a group of wimmin who got together in wimmin-only space to deal with what we saw to be dividing factor between us particularly the 3M's men meat and money, and how we could demise the divide if we consciously made a decision to do so and that we felt that would make our own lives more meaningful and also the lives of those we love. She asked if wimmin were the only ones we were concerned with since the group was for wimmin-only. Another womon answered that at the moment we were concerned with wimmin-only and particularly lesbian, although every womon there was not a lesbian. She said she was not a lesbian and did not see at this time what meaning the group would have for her and she thought perhaps she would not be back. Many of the wimmin there made an attempt to convince her that she should come back for at least one meeting to see how it felt for her, i said if she thought that the group had no meaning to or for her then she was very wise in making a decision not to come back, i heard someone say o don't say that, however it meant nothing since i had already said it, and meant it sincerely. Why should anyone be here who does not want to be i asked, i would not be here if i did not want to be and i said so. Well some of the wimmin were very upset at what i said some were not. I asked if we could talk about the food and monies that were left here after each event. I mentioned that a womon had called me and took me to task because i gave some of the food to someone and spent some of the money for food,water, and paying a light bill, and that she thought that some discussion needed to be had about what happens or what should happen to the foods and monies left over from our events/actions. One womon said she thought the money and the food should rightfully be left wherever the action/event took place and the money should be used to pay for the cost of the action/event, for lights water and some applied to the rent of the building, she also said she thought this was a fair deal to whoever gave up their place for the actions/events. Another womon said she thought that at the end of the evening the amount of money should be announced and the amount of food left over should also be announced, and then a decision should be made about what to do with it. Another said no discussion should be made about any of it since the meeting are held where they are held and whatever was left should be left in good faith to the womon who was having the meeting. Another suggested we leave the food to be used as used and the money be put into a bank account to be doled out for use whenever necessary. Another asked what account should it be held in and in whose name? Another suggested we use the money to buy stock in some company, and the food to be used as the womon whose house the action/event take place saw fit.Now i noticed the discussion about food was a very short one the discussion on money seem to take up a lot of time (my alter said isn't this interesting?) As so the discussion on money went on and on ad nauseaum, till some one finally said can we come to a conclusion on this money thing and get on with something else, she said i wanna talk about the move to THE HOUSE. The response to this was, we must put this money thing to rest before we go any further. So back to the discussion on money. Suggestions on money use put it in a box and once a month we will make a decision on how to spend it, bring utility bills to the meetings pay them from the money we have and put the rest in a box till the paying of bills time again, in the meantime, who will keep the money or where will it be kept, G..... has a safe in her home, get a safe deposit box, again open up a bank account, leave it with the womon who is having the event/account, hire a bookkeeper or accountant,buy e bonds, and on an on. I said to myself they talk as though we have a zillion dollars it is all of 85.dollars. So i said so, i said hey y'all we are talking about 85 big ones, so could we talk as though we have 85dollars and not a zillion. One womon said we must think big in order to be big, i asked who said anything about being big i thought we were talking about the use of some money. One womon said since we seem to not be able to decide what to do with the money, why not leave it like it is until we can come up with something and at the end of each action/event we see what we have left and then make a decision on what to do with it. Sounded good to me let's see what the others think. O no here it comes a lets vote on it. WE or i should say they voted i did not, one womon said well if you don't vote on it you have nothing to say on how it is spent, i said that is definitely not true, i do have something to say on how and i have a choice not to vote or to vote, so i choose not to. Anyway they voted on it and decided to leave all foods and monies with the womon whose home/house that the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimmin-only-space) event/action occurred, and decisions would be made on what to do with it at each event/action. I could have suggested that in the beginning o but the discord that would have caused would have been to much for me to take. But finally a decision.WHEW. We still haven't discussed THE HOUSE,i guess that's next but now it is time for a break, i gotta pee.

O.K. I AM NEW ET TU

Well i have fixed the apartment up with a lotta candles and greenery from my apartment yard, am expecting 25 wimmin to be here for the (LESBIAN HOUSE DINING-in-wimminn-only-space ) to be really awesome tonight, lights at right brightness, music Laura Love,love that womon's music and presentation,i don't know where all the wimmin will park, the woman who runs the apartment building has started to complain about the amount of cars parked around the building, told her not to worry we would stay out of driveways, she didn't seem to please with my response, don't know what else to say. Wimmin are starting to show up i realize i don't know all of them who is this one oh wow i think in like her. Wonder if she is a lesbian remember everyone who comes here to the meetings is not lesbian, will find out. Hah! G..... is here wow she looks good too, maybe i just horny. Where did that expression horny come from, i don't develop horns when I'm hot,why horny? Well anyway here is another womon i don't know,she seems interesting enough wrapped in all that fabric i wonder where is she from. A total of 7 wimmin here i don't know. Everyone seem to receive the food well, i assured the womon who has a wheat allergy that the pasta is made from quinoa, the tofu is not GMO the sauce is vegan, the ponderosa lemons are organic and from a womon's tree. I wonder if this womon checks everything that she eats like this all the time, i am going to ask Iher as soon as i get a chance. Everybody awhed and ooohed over the food and enjoyed it. One womon had made a lemon cake it was good, this womon who has the wheat allergy could not eat any because it was made from flour,some wimmin questioned the ingredients, eggs sour creme milk all animal products, one womon said we should not eat it there since we had agreed on plant based foods only. I said the royal we was hard for me to hear i liked home made cake and i was going to have a piece. This caused quite a stir, not the cake me eating it. I made it known that i did not care what anyone had to say about it and that i would save my piece to eat when everyone was gone, and that i would not eat it at the meeting, a womon responded that she thought i said one thing and did another, since it was my idea to have plant based foods at the action/events. I reminded her that i would eat it when i was not at the meeting. She wanted to talk about wimmin bringing foods that were not plant based to the meeting to be shared by others, she wanted that stopped since that did not stay true to our agreement. She said she was in favor of wimmin bringing additional foods for the meeting as long as they adhered to our decisions about the food being plant based, we all agreed. I told the wimmin if they wanted to bring me some of the foods that they made we could talk about it. Another womon said if that was going to be the case anyone could bring food that did not have to plant based to be eaten by anyone who wanted it as long as they did not eat it at the meetings, another womon said then why bother with the meetings why not just eat at each others house whenever we wanted and call the meetings quit. Wow and all of this came from a home made lemon cake. I have this strange feeling that a vote is coming. After much discussion about food the agreement ended up like this. Plant based foods and drinks only at our (Lesbian House Dining-in-wimmin-only-space) this will hold true for all foods and drinks at the action/events. Any other agreement on food made between the wimmin outside of the (LHD) events.actions was between the wimmin who made it.I could live with that no problemo. The womon who declared herself an addict to meat, said she had not had meat to eat in two days and that she really felt like hell, that she actually felt sick, one womon told her that it was all in her head, another womon said to her that she needed to develop personal mental strength, one other said she needed to have a nice juicy bloody steak, another said she thought if the womon could put her mind somewhere else she could overcome this longing for animal body parts, another gave her the name of an addiction expert, another said she thought the womon was getting her meat thing off by talking about it and she also said that this was a common practice among those who were addicts of any thing, another womon said she thought that perhaps this womon had not eaten any meat recently because she noticed that the womon smelled different. I was listening to all of this and i said to myself weird shit comes out of our mouths,at this point me alter said look whose talking. I didn't know what to say to this womon i could see she was in intense mental pain so i just kept my mouth shut, what could i say, me mother always said if i could not think of something helpful to say then say nada.I cant believe all of this reaction from myself, i wonder if it is not time for these meeting to be held in some one else house. Well the womon with the meat addiction seems to be more comfortable now that she has had a chance to talk, i wonder what value will or does she find in all this advice, i mean does this really stop her from eating meat or does this really make her feel better to talk about it? does she really want to stop eating meat? and why if it makes her feel so bad why would she want to do it? I want to ask her all these questions but i also want to be correct in my relating to her, what to do?and what to do?what to do with kindness. The conversation about THE HOUSE has not come up yet i know it will I'm sure G.....will bring it up if no one else does. This is going to be a long action/event. I asked can we take a break for 5 answer yes. wow.

FIXING FOOD

Well the time draws near i have decided what to fix for food that night, i froze the tofu gonna make tofu nuggets, found some organic tomato sauce and i have the pasta so will fix a tomato pasta dish,got some organic greens from my mothers neighbor garden so we will have a mix green salad, with balsamic vinegar and ponderosa lemonade, pasta a la tomato sauce, tofu nuggets, that should do it,gonna make enough for 25wimmin and hope that will do it, before i went away wimmin would bring some food for us to share so I'll see if the habit is still alive. A lot is going on right now so i think the topic will be very intense so maybe its a good thing that we have a light meal for tomorrow night. I am very nervous i don't know why,may be because of anticipation about subjects that are sure to come up. This feels like my first (Lesbian House Dining) action/event, i hope i remember everybody and i hope everybody remembers me. Wow 25 wimmin that's a lot to me

TO BEGIN AGAIN OR ANEW WHICH?

Well it seems like a long time ago that i was here. I must resume my conversation with the womon about the food and money use from that that was left from the last (LHD-in-wimmin-only-space. I have 90.dollars left from last time, some basmati rice, some organic pasta, no fruits or vegetables i do have 2 lbs of the organic tofu left in the freezer. I think rather than talking to her i will take this conversation to the group for resolution. I have called 18 wimmin to remind them of the action/event to take place on Friday night here at my apartment in an unsafe part of town, of the eighteen all said they were coming and 3 said they were bringing 3 other wimmin.Don't know what i will prepare for food, i asked one womon if she could bring something from her garden and another if she would bring some ponderosa lemons from her tree both agreed. I know that this event/action will be crucial because of the need to also talk about moving and i don't know if i want to move or not,will see what happens, for now need to focus on food preparation,what will it be?

I TAKE MYSELF WITH ME

Many moons ago an olde womon told me that no matter where we go we will always take our selves with us, first time i heard that one i said to myself wow tis amazing how the obvious often times seems so hidden. I now realize what is meant by that statement,no matter where i go, who i see who sees me,how i see what i see tis i who is there, me ,the me the me, sometimes i see clearly, sometimes not so clearly, however tis still me the me.While on vacation i saw a lotta me and a little of me, i saw me in so many other wimmin, and then i saw so little of me in other wimmin,but it all came back to me the me. The three divides where there and everywhere, many of us acted as though we could not see them but we did, many of us decided there were no three divides where we were but there was, many of us decided that we did not know what was being spoken about but we did. The 3M's reared their heads on every occasion they could, and they were dealt with in a varied mash of ways.-LESBIAN HOUSE DINING- in-wimmin-only-space is really not a new idea nor is it one just recently discovered, it simply a matter of visibility or in other words how she shows herself and when,and perhaps why. Could you imagine some one getting into an argument over a peach, a plum, an apple, a leaf of lettuce, a chicken breast, a lobster claw, a pig ear,a cow behind, a fish head,a dog, a cat, a bird, a glass of beer, a glass of wine, a glass of whiskey,a glass o milk, a glass of lemonade, a glass of tea, a glass of water, a box of salt, a box of pepper, a dollar,a car, a house, a dress, a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, a hat, a set of long nails the ones on and off the end of hands, a nose, a color, a place be that place a country or a chair? whats the point? there is none. I have noted that it is impossible to be rid of the 3divides, the 3M's, what i have noted is, i and each one of us who decide must constantly and persistently daily and moment to moment work on helping to effectively demise the negative effects of the 3M's. How we do it, when and where we do it is extremely important especially if we want the effects to become a regular part of daily life. The effects of Meat,Men and Money have to be constantly examine by wimmin and especially us lesbian wimmin because if for no other reason but our perceived effects on ourselves and those we love. Many of us who have had many experiences in wimmin-only space know that explaining the effects of this space is really inexplicable, yet we feel the need to explain,the same is so when we have experience the effects of being in a (LHD-in-wimmin-only-space) where there is an conscious decision to focus on lesbian/wimmin in wimmin-only space,where there is a conscious decision to demise the effects of the 3M's MEAT,MEN,MONEY. This is not always a pleasant space, but i like to think that it is a space based in love, love for each other and love for others, realizing that we all have to see if we can live in some form of harmony even if we don't really know what that means. I had another occasion to be in a (LHD-in-wimmin-only-space),while on vacation and the same concerns we have had to deal with here and still do were very apparent where i was, with the same attention drawn to the effects of the 3M's on each and every womon. I have argued over a pigs ear,a chickens breast,a cows rump and now a lettuce leaf and a glass of water. I feel very disappointed in myself right now, not so much in myself, but in my behavior over a lettuce leaf and a glass of water, would i do it again? I have to give thought to that.

JA JA JA JA JA HA

A bit giddy tonight not gonna write to much either, time to go on a vacation, need some time somewhere else, be back in mid august.Need to get away from me self and me alter, I'm outta here.bye y'all

DREAMS AGAIN?

Woke up from a very strange dream in a sweat,the dream i was riding in the back of my mothers car (a car my mother use to have) she was driving like a bat out of hell (my mother is the original Pepsi can driver that's 10miles per hour in a 30mile zone), she pulled into the gas station and tells the attendant to fill up the car check the fluids and clean the windows(this is something i have never seen my mother do,ever) she take off like 2 bats out of hell and i noticed that she is drunk, (my mother has never drank alcohol) i say mother please let me out she laughs suddenly stops the car and gets out, she say to me OK get out then, i get out and she starts to ride a bicycle down the road i catch up with her and grab hold of the back of the bike she continues to bike with me holding on, i tell her i am going to jog and turn loose the bike she keeps on bicycling never looking back at me i continue to jog calling out to her but she never turns around i see her disappear into the distance. Now my mother has never been on a bicycle and everything in the dream was so unlike her. I have and do use a bicycle,never been an avid jogger, and the dream made and makes no awake since to me. I went to the old womon who divinate dreams and asked her what did it mean,she told me you have the tools for divination so divinate your own dreams, i told her i thought it was to up in my face to be able to divinate it correctly, she said as you divinate so is it correct, i really don't know what she means by that and i tell her so, she said you will get to know soon and that's the way she left it. I know not to press with her any further cause she gets really badmoodish i think so anyway. So away i go with my dream still running around in my head i will not divinate on this dream now i am afraid to. Does this have anything to do with my conversations with the other wimmin over the little house? the food? the money? what? yo no se.

SO MIX SOME WATER WITH THE WINE

Well this is a bottle of wine later or a story later don't know. Well whenever i feel i have had enough to think or is that to drink i wanna go lay down and go to sleep, i did that, what? have to much to think or drink and went to sleep, and wow did i ever dream. My dream i was at a festival with the womon i love and we were walking around the land, the land turned to a university campus and i was alone laying out on the grass getting sun on me belly when i look up and about 20thousand bodies were walking past me going into the buildings to i think register to be students,i have started to dream again almost every night,so anyway i jumped up off the grass and started toward the back of the building but it was so dark and i was getting scared i duck through what i thought was a building with bodies in it it was empty, i started to run and i ran directly into a figure standing next to the column a voice said to me sacred eh? and i heard my own voice answer scared of what ? the voice said to me you are scared of me, again i heard my voice say so who are you that i should be scared of ? voice answered i am the one who put you in that dark and i woke up with a start. Did i drink that wine i don't have a headache but i could not for the sake of me remember if i drank the bottle of wine, it wasn't morning yet so i got up walked into the kitchen to look for the bottle of wine,no wine in the kitchen, what about the living room no wine in the living room, OK so where is the bottle of wine i know i had one so where is it? Look in the garbage cans,nope no wine in the cans. I sat down on the floor and i said to myself i know i am not crazy nor going there, i had a bottle of wine somewhere in this apartment and the last time i remembered it was in the kitchen, i know i could not have drank it i would feel it now i know i would so take a deep breath and think, keep sitting on the floor until it comes to you, who you? a voice said in my head o no not now please alter i don't need you now pleezzze, o yes you do need me now said my alter cause you aren't sure if you're loosing it or not and i can help you, all you have to say is alter i need you please don't fail me now, me alter said go ahead say it say it. You know it is so easy to be high and mighty in the midst of having no fear, but fear fear fear what is that really how could one word create such tremblings. Now look at that word, i mean really look at the word FEAR FEAR F EAR FE AR, some how when i write it out it ain't that fearfull or should that be fear full, fear fill, fear ful? UMM. So anyway i said OK alter i will let you have your way for the moment,she started laughing like mad, she stop when i said alright alter i need your please don't fail me now, she said say it again, i said OK alter i need you please don't fail me now, she said now at this place you can chose to become angry or you can chose to have my help, so she said say it for the third time, i said OK alter i need you please don't fail me now, she smiled and said to me humbling isn't it? go look in the refrigerator, i got up off the floor looked in the frig and there was the bottle of wine laying on its side right where i put it last night before i literally threw myself in bed. What is a mind really it is not the brain so what is it ?as long a humankind has studied everything and especially its own kind how come no one has really discovered what a mind really is,is it really as this old womon told me one time that the mind is ether, air, one of the forces of nature we can see the effects of the mind but the mind is one of the mysteries in the universe, and being a mystery well that's what it is. And i had not open the mind i mean wine, i just thought i was loosing it. Now for a big glass of cool water. whew